And that would be an understatement.
Long post warning. Read it.Let me begin by introducing two key players. Or rather, playees. First up is The Alcoholic. This guy was my roommate during freshman year, and he and alcohol (or to be specific, Jack Daniels) go together like water and more water in the same glass. Second is The Moronic Newbie. Newbie currently lives in the same apartment as I do, in the other room. He doesn't have much experience with alcohol. At all.
So it's a Friday night. And just about everybody plans on getting drunk, some more than others. We kill time at home and eventually decide to go to Ryan's party at his apartment. So far so good. Dan and Elliot drive the lot of us to the place - an apartment complex on west campus. Dan picked up Sam (-antha) and Neha with The Alcoholic, and I joined them too. Elliot drove the rest of us.
Anyhow, we land at Ryan's place. The first thing that hits me - flashing strobe lights. It's like everything I see is at a rate of 10 frames per second. That and I really couldn't recognize anyone there. Small place too so it got a little crowded. But it was all good. We met Melissa, her roommate (I'm really bad with names, sorry), Ryan's friend Rob, and some other people there. The lights were so bad that I was staring at Melissa for about 7 seconds tying to figure out who she was. But it was cool in a way.
And then the drinks started flowing.
It wasn't bad at first. Dan, Elliot and I didn't really drink. I pretty much had a coke with a little bit of whatever the hell stuff there was, and spent most of the time at the start hanging with everyone there, mostly Melissa, Nikhil and Neha. It was actually shaping up to be pretty good at first... a nice, not too crazy thing. The Alcoholic pretty much got into the swing of things. And somewhere down the line, The Moronic Newbie decided to go at it too. Pretty soon, both The Alcoholic and The Newbie were fighting over a 24 oz water bottle... filled three quarters up with vodka. The Newbie won out, and grabbed the bottle.
That's when his Moronic side took over.
He downed about a half of the vodka in that bottle - at a stretch. The Alcoholic, not to be outdone, finished the job. Pretty soon the effects started showing. The Newbie was basically walking around the place screaming his ass off, while The Alcoholic downed drink after drink. At one point, The Newbie was trying to explain the concept of opportunity cost from microeconomics to Neha while I watched (and tried to suppress laughter - not too successfully). All I understood was something about MP3 players and washing machines, and I had made an A in the class in the summer.
At one point I went downstairs to open the gates for Nikhil and Neha (goddamn smokers, and turns out I didn't have to go anyway), but while walking back upstairs I saw The Alcoholic slumping on the railing, almost falling over. He claims to have been searching for Smirnoff. Needless to say he got none. But that at point he had had one too many, and more. Our two protagonists could barely walk and were passing out every few seconds, so we figured it was time to head back.
And that's when things got chaotic.
Seeing as how the dynamic duo were delerious and unable to walk, we had to help them down, which wasn't easy. The Alcoholic may be pretty light but The Moronic Newbie is one heavy motherfucker. We managed to get them to the pavement and Elliot left to get his car.
In the meantime, The Alcoholic passed out and rolled off of the curb and right onto the street. We managed to get him back onto the grass... and then he got up and started running, screaming something about one more drink. Yeah, sure. Let's just say his drunken sprinting skills were no match for Nikhil's and my tackling prowess. (Yeah, yeah...)
In the meantime, the others were trying to get The Newbie into Dan's car. That didn't go too well but it worked out, so Dan, Neha, Sam, The Newbie and myself headed back home in his car. Dan was paranoid about The Newbie puking spontaneously in his car, and let's just say he got lucky. Elliot wasn't quite as much, but more on that later. We got back to Duval, and got The Newbie out of the car... and he ended up sprawled across the parking lot. That's when his system decided it had had enough, and it all came out. In stages. And it wasn't pretty.
The same thing happened with The Alcoholic, except that was
inside Elliot's car.
But yeah, after leaving the two of them sprawled across the front parking lot for about 20 minutes and letting The Newbie puke the hell out of himself, we managed to get them up to Dan's apartment. Don't ask how. Let's just say Elliot is a beast. Dumped the two of them in a bathtub each and gave them a cold shower. They did not enjoy it. We didn't give a fuck. More puking followed. Short and brief bursts that lasted about an hour. In the end we stripped the both of them of everything but the bare minimum (I'm trying NOT to be graphic here), and put the both of them on The Alcoholic's bed. Good thing he got a full size.
So yeah, that's the
short of it. I tried to include as much as possible, but let's just say words don't do this justice. I have pictures on my cellphone, Neha has some on hers, and Dan has some on his digital camera. We are bad people. I could be really evil and post them on here.... but I don't know.
You know though, I'd really like to see the look on their faces when they wake up next morning with a hell of a hangover, almost completely naked, in the same bed and not remembering what the hell happened last night.
As for me... well, I never drink much anyhow, if at all. This is certainly helping reinforce that.
Saagar and Puneet, nothing personal, but you were both morons. ;)
Now Playing: Guns N' Roses - Anything Goes
